Ten Reflections for Round Two

Lil' Z draws Mama

Lil’ Z draws Mama


At 37 weeks pregnant, it’s about time I start acting like a baby is on the way.  My birthing bag is mostly packed.  We have an in-bed bassinet for our co-sleeping arrangement.  I’ve got a stash of coconut water and dates for my labor snacks.  The appropriate pads are on deck for all of that lovely post-partum leaking I anticipate and I’m taking all of the herbs and supplements I can tolerate.  Most mornings, I’m still able to do a bit of yoga, light cardio exercise, or walk in the park.  But I’ve mostly reached my threshold of preparation that I can currently sustain.

When pregnant with Lil’ Z, I had lots of time to fill with reciting Qur’an, reading parenting books, and doing lengthy yoga workouts but now, time is less abundant and I have to find resolve with what I’m able to do and not do.  As a parent, worship is not only what you do in quietude but also who you are and what you cultivate in your children.  We try to sow seeds in our daughter’s life and faith that will blossom into character and actions and that’s a big priority for us everyday.

Thankfully, we resolved a lot of our parenting decisions on round one, so now we’re mostly updating our positions and perspectives on the childrearing matters we grappled with more than four years ago.  Seeing the fruits of our choices in Lil’ Z affirms what worked really well for our family but we’ve been also taking mental notes of what we would do differently with our second baby. This is what we’ve come up with so far:

  1. Birth Outside of the Hospital

We preferred the idea of birthing at home or a birthing center with Lil’ Z but didn’t have the opportunity to do so in Oman.  Part of our leaving Morocco was to have the option to birth outside of a hospital, and this is our hope for round two.

  1. Oral Vitamin K drops

With Lil’ Z, we didn’t want any needles puncturing her delicate skin in the early moments and days of her life.  In fact, it wasn’t until she reached the age of one that she first had blood drawn for lab tests.  Instead, I took alfalfa supplements to deliver Vitamin K to our baby via nursing, but we plan to use oral Vitamin K drops to guarantee adequate blood levels this time around.

  1. Reconsider Newborn Screening

Attached to the no-needle policy, we didn’t want Lil’ Z screened for Phenylketonuria (PKU), a dangerous though rare disease not commonly found in people of African descent.  Currently in Florida, the routine newborn screening tests for thirty four different diseases that have no immediate outward manifestation but can be immediately treated.  Our midwife would do this during our two-day visit while the baby is nursing or comforted in some other way.

  1. Mobiles

I didn’t really get the point of mobiles until I read Maria Montessori’s work and vowed not to miss out on this valuable developmental tool for the next baby.  Mobiles are not for mere entertainment: immature eyes can be strengthened and learn to track moving objects by looking at mobiles.  Later on, mobiles can foster the eye-hand coordination required to bat, grab, and pull.

  1. Splitting Up Sometimes

With Lil’ Z, we reveled in the newness of being parents and did everything as a family.  Every walk, outing, or adventure was attended by all.  In retrospect, it would’ve been better for us to occasionally do some activities apart so either of us can have much-needed alone time or rest, while the other enjoys one-on-one bonding time.  When we’re apart, I do miss my people and worry about their safety, but I entrust them to Allah’s care and look forward to the warm hugs and stories that will accompany them upon their return.

  1. More Floor Time

Lil’ Z spent a lot of her early days on mattresses or beds; both of which carry the fear of falling.  Instead, we could’ve invested in soft, comfy rugs and a good vacuum cleaner to support early scooting, rocking, and crawling.

  1. Hold off on the Potty Seat

Elimination Communication worked really well for us, but we spent way too much with Lil’ Z sitting on the potty.  Instead, we plan to hold the little one over a toilet seat.  When the little one is walking, then we can introduce the potty as a step towards toilet independence.

  1. Give more space for exploration, germs, and dirt

We were mostly fine with Lil’ Z playing in sand but had difficulty letting her roam in parks filled with debris, bugs, and dirt.  It’s natural to fear the first insect bite, cold, or infection but immunity does not build itself in a cocoon. Resilience is bred from exposure.

  1. Don’t Obsess over Sleep

I spent too much of my time rocking, singing, and nursing Lil’ Z to sleep, all for the sake of keeping to a schedule.  I was so uptight about maintaining a schedule that I was slow to see how her sleep needs were changing and adjust accordingly.  Instead, I hope to set up a restful environment when signs of sleepiness arise—a restful and relaxing environment for both me and baby.  In that way, even if sleep is not achieved, we can both still have some much needed quiet time where I can recite Qur’an, read a book, or just take some deep breaths alongside my little one.  If it takes more than thirty minutes for the little one to fall sleep, maybe that nap needs to be skipped or that bedtime needs to be pushed back.  At this stage in my life, I want our days to end peacefully and our nights to be restful.  Even if our nights start at the same time, I can make up for my own quiet time in the early morning.  I’ve personally found more blessing and productivity in my time when I wake up early, as opposed to staying up late.

  1. Don’t Fear Food

We were so convinced that breastmilk is the best food for babies that we almost feared the introduction of solid foods.  At some point late into Lil’ Z’s eight month of life, we started to introduce foods and she wasn’t so interested.  This made us overly anxious, fearing that she would not be eating enough after her first birthday.  This time around, we’re hoping to start offering different foods to taste after the first six or seven months and support the baby-led weaning approach thereafter.

Even with these matters resolved, I still feel at times that I’m not yet ready to give birth or to bring a new life into our home.  There is nothing static about parenting.  It is constantly stretching, evolving, and throwing all kinds of curve balls.  But much like this pregnancy that we prayed our way through, we will continue to pray through our parenting, day by day and season by season.

Review: Trang Viet in Tampa

Vegan Buffet
Vietnam is one of those countries we don’t know much about and have never been to.  Food can be a nation’s ambassador but, unfortunately, our first taste of Vietnamese cuisine in Casablanca was unimpressive.  Enjoying tofu was such a welcomed treat at that time that we didn’t mind the lackluster food.  We knew that we needed to give Vietnamese food another chance and found the perfect opportunity recently in Tampa.

Trang Viet

At Trang Viet, you’ll find a simple family-owned eatery with a full omnivorous menu.  Traditional Vietnamese dishes featuring meat, as well as veganized versions are served regularly but on the second Saturday of each month, the herbivores have a special treat.  From 5:30-7pm, a delicious buffet of plant-based dishes are the featured attraction.  We arrived last Saturday only 15 minutes into the buffet and found the restaurant packed with folks of different ages, races, and ways of life feasting on a varied and filling buffet.

Starter Soup

After selecting a beverage of unsweetened iced green tea or water, we found small bowls of a coconut milk-based soup filled with pumpkin, carrots, seaweed, and mushrooms.  The next course included both winter and summer veggie-filled rolls with peanut sauce, steamed dumplings, and cabbage salad.  For our entrees, we had a tofu noodle stir-fry, grilled tofu, vegan ginger beef, tofu-stuffed squash, and seasoned vegan chicken drumsticks.  Side dishes included brown rice, white rice, and yucca root.  All of the dishes were well-seasoned and freshly prepared.  The young men serving the dishes ensured that portion sizes were controlled, in spite of being limitless.

Carrot Cake

As if the yummy meal wasn’t enough to satisfy us, small slices of iced carrot cake were brought out to cap our evening.  At $14 per adult and $7 per child, we had a great opportunity to fill our veggie bellies and sample the delights of Vietnam.  The cordial servers and efficient service made for an enjoyable meal.  It’s a shame that we have to wait another month for the buffet to return, but as long as the baby hasn’t arrived yet, we will happily put the date on our calendar and eagerly wait to feast once again.


A New Season for Our Family

Art Class in Tampa

This is the first Spring we’ve spent in America in the last seven years.  Though New York still felt very much like winter during our visit a few weeks ago, we are now in the Sunshine State and the weather is pleasantly sunny.  Our usual stay in Florida involves a ton of family activities, rest, and good vegan Southern cooking; but this time around is a bit different.  We’re looking into children’s classes, homeschooling groups, Islamic gatherings, part-time work, and the like since we plan to be here for a few months, as opposed to a few weeks, in preparation for a new arrival.

Habous Quarter

Shortly after reaching Morocco last Fall, we discovered a stowaway.  Apparently a fourth passenger had joined our caravan unbeknownst to us all.  At first we felt a bit of déjà vu considering that we similarly found out that we were expecting Lil’ Z while in North Africa, and my initial symptoms were the same:  a sudden disgust for olive oil and indigestion.  However, with two failed pregnancies since Lil’ Z’s birth, we were careful to get our hopes up too soon.  We had experienced the disappointment of loss before and wanted to tread lightly before announcing any news to our family and friends.

I quietly started visiting an obstetrician and we kept praying our way through, day by day, week by week, until we reached 14 weeks.  At that point, we shared the news with our family and our beloved Lil’ Z.  Much like ourselves, she had been eagerly awaiting a new family member and was over the moon when we told her.  Watching her cultivate, nurture, and love the life within me has been a special gift that never gets old.  After sharing the news with her, I told her that we need to pray that Allah (God) takes care of the baby and keeps the baby healthy and strong.  In total confidence she told me, “Allah is already taking care of the baby” and to that, I could not argue.

Lil' Z and Baby Elmo

Unable to keep a secret, Lil’ Z eagerly shared the news with our friends in Morocco but the announcement was slow to spread further West.  Mostly through individual phone calls and messages, we’ve shared our pregnancy with a few close friends.  Now, with about five weeks left until our due date, there is no longer room to conceal the news.  I am a walking billboard of the joy we’re experiencing and the blessing we hope to receive soon.  We started consulting with a midwife last week at a lovely local birthing center that we look forward to birthing in.  We believe that it will be a stark contrast from our first birth.  Being the second-time around, a lot of the first-time mommy anxieties are allayed but I find some new ones creeping up as I further my knowledge and raise my expectations for the pending birth.

I’ve been deeply moved by the concept of Hypnobirthing and have started reading about the Mongan Method.  It is fascinating and thorough, but on a day like today, I feel a little overwhelmed.  There are so many levels of preparation that I’m often stumped with where to start and what to do next.  Exercises in breathing, relaxation, visualization, and deepening are the cornerstones of the method, alongside physical exercise, good nutrition, fear releasing, etc.  In addition to all of that, there are herbal supplements, superfoods, and vitamins to consider.  Sometimes I have to take the time to do nothing but reflect and rest, no matter how indulgent it may feel.  We consciously left Morocco earlier than planned to take advantage of this very scenario:  staying with family to have extra hands in this transition.  I would be a fool not to allow for a little self-pampering , especially since Lil’ Z has more than Urbndervish and I around for a change.

Most gentle, natural, and easy childbirths are not by luck, but rather training and preparation.  We’re trying to do our best to prepare for success but ultimately know that our destiny will unfold in perfection, just as it should.  Our success lies in praying and preparing for what we desire and positioning ourselves to embrace what we receive.

To my many friends who are similarly pregnant this season, may your births be full of beauty, mercy, and grace.  May your trust in the Creator and the Creator’s design of your amazing body give you confidence, resolve, and fearless peace about the birth that awaits you.  May you raise healthy, upright, and strong children that are filled with faith and light to face the difficulties of the world they are born in.  May you remember us when you supplicate in your sincerest time of need.  Ameen!

Review: The Door in Queens


My hometown welcomed us with a cold embrace two weeks ago.  A disorganized flight check-in, courtesy of Iberia Airlines, foreshadowed a rough journey ahead.  The budget airline had us running all over Casablanca airport in search of our boarding passes, failed to communicate our vegan meal preference to the partnering airline, and had no complimentary offerings other than small cups of water to offer us onboard.  Nonetheless, we made our way to New York via Madrid and London just in time for Lil’ Z’s first snowfall and did our best to stay warm in the cold city.

First Snowfall

On our last weekend in New York my family gathered at one of our favorite restaurants—The Door—where they promise an elegant Jamaican dining experience.  Over the years they have upheld their mission by upgrading the cuisine and hospitality associated with Caribbean dining.  Many eateries operate like a glorified kitchen with inconsistent menus, long waits, and a shortage of customer service.  The Door, however, has set itself apart and was the most suitable place for our patronage.


The Door’s menu offers traditional Jamaican favorites alongside a healthy selection of alternatives.  The full gamut of jerk, curried, and stewed meat and seafood dishes sit comfortably alongside salad meals, vegetarian dishes, and plant-based side orders.  Their vegetarian selection includes brown-stewed tofu, tofu stir-fry, curried soy chunks, and ital stew.  Each dish is thoughtfully prepared and well-seasoned for both the familiar and novice palate.  Entrees are served with either soup or salad, preceded by baskets of rolls and cornbread.  The beverage selection includes mainstays like pineapple ginger drink, carrot juice, and sorrel made from dried hibiscus.

Ital Stew with Rice and Peas

Ital Stew with Rice and Peas

While some have complained that on occasion their service and food quality has fallen short, these occurrences are obviously rare since the restaurant is permanently packed on any given day.  More than their weekly jazz band or their enchanting décor, The Door succeeds at hospitality.  The mastermind behind their success is a sharp and decisive businesswoman who can be regularly seen chatting with guests in the dining hall and commanding her staff from the front annex to the kitchen.  Their mostly Jamaican and Jamaican-American staff are consistently warm, professional, and friendly.    They hosted our party of almost 20 with seamless ease, precision, and exceptional cordiality.  Admittedly, there are cheaper places to eat good food but The Door serves ambiance just as savory as their cuisine.

Brown Stew Tofu with Rice and Peas

Brown Stew Tofu with Rice and Peas

Five Priceless Possessions for Traveling like a Local


Last month, my family and I took a long-awaited and highly-anticipated journey to Ethiopia, visiting Addis Ababa, Harar, and Negash.  While we were riding high on the hype of an enriching historical journey, we had to come to terms with the poverty we would face in a developing country.  The tourism industry is booming in Ethiopia and there is a conscientious effort to move beyond the image of a starving, famine-stricken country, towards a prosperous and worldly society.  As with progress in most developing countries, change comes with a cost and you more than likely will feel it in your own pocket.  In spite of the rising cost of living and travel, these are five invaluable allies that helped us move through the country  “with the people”.

1. Useful Information
While knowing the population of a city or historical facts are useful, save some time for researching what’s going to count in your day-to-day travels.  Admission fees, taxi fares, and tipping customs can be extremely variable in some parts of the world.  If you’re not careful, you can be paying double, triple, or quadruple of what’s appropriate.  Be prepared to talk down prices that are negotiable and refer to the great bartering tips shared by others.  If you can talk numbers in the local language, peppered with the lingo and mannerisms of seasoned locals, then you have yet another advantage in securing a reasonable price for whatever you’re pursuing.
2. Loose Change
Keeping small bills in your wallet is useful for making donations to charities or individuals, as well as hand-to-hand business transactions in your travels.  We lost a few bucks here and there after giving a large currency note to pay a tour guide or a guesthouse and not receiving any change.  Save the big bills for large establishments and fixed fare transportation, where you’re more likely to have your change returned. Keep the small bills handy for everything else.
Depending on how much cash you feel comfortable carrying, try to avoid using your debit or credit card internationally.  More than likely you’ll be paying transaction fees on both ends, so travel with large currency bills (dollars, euros, etc.) and exchange them after exiting the airport.  Airports are notorious for pitiful exchange rates, so consider using a bank or other exchange services.
Side Note:  Don’t forget to inform your home bank about your travels so they don’t assume your account is being used fraudulently!
3. Local Connections
Use your common interests to connect with others.  Tap into clubs, groups, and societies, where you can make authentic connections on topics other than tourism and make plans to connect while you’re in town.  When researching vegan travel tips, we came across the Ethiopian Vegan Association and connected with Ethiopians who had a common interest and were keen to answer our inquiries and give us travel advice, without a fee.  One member became more than just our unofficial guide in Addis Ababa but has become a true friend.  He weaved us through the capital on a shoestring budget, with the added benefit of seeing how others live, work, and move through the bustling city.  We also found great places for delicious local food that were way off the beaten path and even further from the pages of a guidebook.

4. Good Health

After touring a good bit of Addis Ababa carrying my toddler daughter in a sling, I was grateful for being in good shape.  Long walks and cramped minibuses were bearable and we spent about a tenth of what it would cost to ride taxis all through town.  Similarly, we took an entertaining long distance bus which was also about a tenth of the domestic flight cost.  Being able to carry your own bags, walk comfortably, and withstand a long bus or train ride can save you the expense of private transport, tipping bellboys, and door-to-door service for your entire journey.  A habit of daily walking and exercise is not only great preparation for travel but great for healthy living in general.

5. Good Attitude
Last-minute delays, cancellations, and changes to your itinerary can be frustrating.  If you can breathe through the irritation, you’ll more than likely find a helpful hand, a kind word, or a brilliant back-up plan to keep your itinerary moving smoothly, in spite of the detour.  The angry, belligerent tourist may not be able to move beyond their disappointment, making rash decisions that spoil a good trip for everyone.  However, the patient, flexible tourist can “go with the flow”, embrace their circumstances, and ride the waves of whatever travel brings their way.  Instead of being fixated on what you “missed” and trying to buy it back at all costs, you may find a Plan B that is equally (if not, more) satisfying at a lower cost.  We had our hearts set on visiting a town that sounded great online but, to Ethiopians, was not as spectacular as we thought.  We saved some time and money by changing our plans and it was the best decision we could’ve made.  Be open to the possibilities and travel safely!
This post was originally published at Women of Color Living Abroad.

What We Will and Won’t Miss about Casablanca

Dar Bouazza, Casablanca

Our departure from Casablanca is on the horizon.  Are we sad and weepy?  Hardly.  Are we elated and anxious?  Totally.  Even though we haven’t fallen in love with our home for the last five months, our stay wasn’t all bad.  We met a handful of good folks that we will miss and hope to visit in the future.  There are also a few more cities in Morocco that we didn’t have the chance to explore, so there are reasons to look forward to a return trip.  But for now, here are a few things we will likely miss and not miss about life in Casa.


Fresh Produce:  While we can’t vouch for all of the produce here as being organic, we enjoyed some really great local fruits for cheap.  Our absolute favorites were mandarins, avocados, and pomegranates.

Having an address:  As silly as that may sound, we haven’t had a personal address since we left the United States in 2008.  We’re not exactly thrilled to receive our bills every month but to live in a city with street names, avenues, and building numbers to locate your residence as opposed to landmarks and counting streets was quite nice.

Riding the tram

Riding the trams and trains:  Without a car, we relied heavily on taxis to get around town.  When possible, we rode the tram which functions surprisingly smooth and efficiently.  The well-connected train system between major cities was also quite impressive and made long-distance travel so easy.

Respectful Titles of Address:  When a stranger is addressed, you might here the terms Hajj/Hajja (Pilgrim), Shareef/Shareefa (Honorable), Khoya/Ukhti (my brother/sister), and the like.  These terms convey beautiful meanings with respect and dignity and are used by the old and young alike.

Djellaba : Our absolute favorite traditional Islamic dress is the hooded Moroccan robe.  We love how it elegantly drapes both men and women, creatively displays various colors, textures, and embroideries, and functionally provides a hood for extra cover.


Frenchy-ness:  No disrespect to the people of France or their language, but the saturation of French culture here in Casablanca is a bit of turn-off.  To live in a Muslim land and hear greetings of “Bonjour” and cheek-to-cheek kisses across genders was a bit startling.  Seeing the hours that young men spend passing time in café shops smoking with tiny glasses of espresso seems pretty pointless too.  It’s a shame to see the current generation becoming so francophone that they are losing or have lost their Arabic or Amazigh tongue completely.

Sports Fanatics:  Almost every Sunday, enthusiastic youth march down my street en route to the stadium.  I have no problem with their hobby but I will not miss their loud chanting and disruptive behavior while walking through the neighborhood.  Save all of that for the stadium, if you don’t mind.

Abandoned Playground

Lack of recreation:  A constant frustration has been the lack of playgrounds and parks.  There are urban green spaces where you can sit on benches under trees but in many cases, you’re not allowed to walk in the grass and there is nothing for a young child to actually do.  A few private playgrounds and play centers charge admission which takes away their appeal.

Grand taxis:  Ah, the misleading misnomer known as the grand taxi is not grand in the least.  While the vehicles are larger in contrast to the petit taxis that only take three passengers, they are hardly double the size to warrant six passengers.  Two people share a single front passenger seat while four share the rear seat.  Grand taxis are generally a cheaper way to cover long distances but they are not well-suited for the portly or claustrophobic.

Lack of community:  More than the inconveniences and nuisances we’ve faced here, the hardest challenge has been lacking community.  Other expats have told me that it takes years to find your community in Casablanca but that’s not time we have to spare.  Having friends and like-minded families to meet and fellowship with would have certainly smoothed out our stay but probably wouldn’t be enough to keep us in this city anyway.

Review: La Flamme d’Istanbul in Casablanca

La Flamme

Casablanca has a strong consumer culture.  If you love shopping and food, you can have your heyday in this city.  New restaurants are the talk of the town, and the opening of La Flamme d’Istanbul was no different.  Plastered on billboards, delivery trucks, and Facebook, the new Turkish restaurant was well-marketed and their Turkish chefs became local celebrities.  We stumbled on its location during a morning stroll and I couldn’t help but grab a menu.  With my limited French food vocabulary, I successfully identified a handful of vegan dishes and was anxious to try them since I’ve always enjoyed Turkish cuisine and hospitality.

One very special friend of mine was in the neighborhood, so we planned to meet at La Flamme for lunch.  We both were riding high on anticipation and couldn’t wait to add our impressions to the growing list of rave reviews.  The sleek modern décor with colorful, hanging lanterns was inviting.  Our waiters didn’t don their red Fez hats that day but they were cordial and attentive.

Before placing our order I had two inquiries to make:  Was the lentil soup of the day vegan?  Can I have my hummus without Turkish yogurt?  Disappointingly, the soup had chicken in it but the hummus didn’t have yogurt as the menu indicated, so I proceeded to order the latter.  Lil’ Z had her heart set on French fries—a rare treat– and I added baba ghanoush to our order.  For meat-eaters, the offerings are abundant but the plant-based options were limited.   Nonetheless, I looked forward to tasting the familiar staple dishes I’ve always enjoyed.

Fries, Hummus, and Baba Ghanoush

The French fries were served in the cutest little fry basket with small dishes of ketchup and Dijon mustard.  Both the hummus and baba ghanoush looked appetizing alongside the warm, baked rounds of bread.  Once my friend’s meal arrived, we started eating and casually chatting.  As usual, our conversation was rich but at some point I realized that the food was lacking in flavor.  I would taste again and again searching for the familiar delight of Turkish cuisine but found it absent.  Though we haven’t made it to Turkey yet, we’ve enjoyed their cuisine as one of our favorites in Oman.  How could La Flamme be so off?  My friend agreed that the hummus was bland but assured me that the meat she ordered was pretty good.  “Perhaps their specialty is all things meaty”, I suggested to her while debriefing our visit.  The most satisfying part of my meal was their baklava which was lightly sweetened, filled with cinnamon and walnuts, and topped with ground pistachios.  It was the best I’ve had in a while and the only dish I would return for in the future.


Free Art in Casablanca

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Our daughter is an artist.  It used to sound strange coming from her pint-sized frame but now, we are totally convinced.  She doesn’t need a studio, gallery, or exhibit to validate the title–she is an artist.  Drawing is not an innate talent or gift of hers, it is a craft that she practices with passion and persistence.   She has annihilated magnetic writing boards, forged through a small forest’s worth of scrap paper, and filled notebooks with characters, scenarios, and stories.  Art is how she processes the world and unravels the kinks from her day, and we’ve learned to give her the time and space she needs to do just that.  Hopefully, one day we can provide her with a small studio space with high quality art materials, sunshine, plants, and quietude but until then, a small shelf with paper, crayons, markers, paint, pencils, an easel, a smock, and our encouraging support is what we have.

To nurture our little artist, we have found frame shops, art galleries, and graffiti to admire but our most recent discovery is the Villa des Arts where small exhibits are displayed to the public for free.  The current exhibit was a bit too abstract for our taste but I think the upcoming “Street Art” display will be right up our alley.

Friendships Abroad: Four to Make and Four to Break

The folks you meet living abroad can be a mixed bag of nuts.  Most are sane and sober, fun to be around, and generally good company.  Others have issues, are clearly fleeing from their past demons, and make you wonder how they ever passed a background check.  Meeting all of them, in all their various shades and personalities, is part of the experience of life abroad which should not be neglected.  Being a hermit is no fun but if you happen to be abroad, take note of four types of friends that are worth keeping and four others that might be best left behind.
Veteran Expat
Meeting someone who was once in your shoes but navigated their way through the expat transition is a great resource.  They’ve been inconvenienced by the fine print you failed to read and generally have realistic expectations about life in your new home.  Whether you want to get a local driver’s license or find your favorite treat from back home, they are usually the go-to person and can show you the ropes in the process.
Everyone needs a local resident friend for a variety of sticky situations you may encounter.  Sometimes, the job is simple, like needing a translator or negotiating a reasonable buying price, but more than this, a friend who is a native of your new home can introduce you to a world that can be difficult to access without them.  Invitations to their family or communal gatherings can give you cultural insight and teach you how to relate to your new neighbors.  Many sincere people with good intentions have offended others or embarrassed themselves in cross-cultural interactions, and a reliable local friend can help to keep both to a minimum.
Whether you’ve suffered a headache or heartbreak, a nurturing presence can help you make it through.  They bring you soup when you’re sick or pick up small gifts to make you smile and generally brighten your greyest days.  After birthing my first child abroad, I was grateful to have stand-in family members visit me with gifts, cook food for our family and offer to clean our home.  Their gestures helped smooth out a challenging transition, and these are the kinds of friends everyone needs in their life.
Kindred Soul
Finding a companion to enjoy your favorite hobby, pastime, or quirky indulgence with is a great ally in living abroad.  While nature lovers almost always want a buddy to hike, climb, or snorkel with, even introverts can appreciate a friend or two who shares the same interests like reading, cooking, or watching episodes of your favorite sitcom series.  In my little town, we’ve formed a Raw Food Club.  We meet monthly to share new raw recipes and enjoy a raw meal together.  While some of us have nothing else in common with each other, it’s still great to have a common point of connection that we all benefit from.
This is the grumpy expat who has nothing positive to say about anything, ever.  They complain about work, the weather, and everything in between.  They don’t like locals or expats, going out or staying in.  They can’t be pleased, and they’ll only bring you down with their gloom-and-doom outlook on life.  Living away from home is difficult enough without the perpetual grey-tint the pessimist will add to the sunniest of days.  Try to keep them at a distance, unless you’re planning an optimistic intervention.
Oh, the dreaded parasite.  Even when you don’t have money, fame, or resources that anyone would want to extract, the parasite will mine your very being, draining your emotional and spiritual reserves bone-dry.  They are always taking and never giving in their presence and will ultimately leave your battery empty.  Watch for them carefully and don’t let them sink their fangs into your skin.  The Middle Ages are over and blood-letting by leeches is no longer the cure-all, okay?
Trouble Maker
This special somebody is always plotting something.  They can’t seem to follow the rules, no matter what the circumstances may be.  If this rabble-rouser wants to keep your company, be prepared for a penalty:  a night in jail, being kicked out of an establishment, or public shame.  Even silly, innocent pranks have turned into avoidable melees.  They get a kick out of telling outrageous stories, taking taboo pictures, and just generally being a nuisance. If you want to keep your image and repute in good standing, let the risk-taker paint the town red without you.
BFF Seeker
Unlike the Parasite, the BFF seeker is not trying to drain all that you’ve got but rather trying to bond the two of you in permanence.  They make clever suggestions like matching tattoos, becoming roommates, and opening IRAs together.   They’re usually innocent in their pursuit, but if you’re not in the market or on the market for being that one soul-mate-type friend that has to be anything and everything the other friends wants and needs, you might be in trouble.  Research suggests that it’s harder to find a best friend after your twenties.  Mostly because people become more settled in their values and views which makes them more selective about who they befriend. Also, your time and energy may become consumed by familial relationships and obligations.  This is all perfectly natural, which is why cultivating a network of friends to serve as a composite best friend may be a more efficient way to build friendships.

The nature of life, especially life abroad, is very transient.  People come and go, sometimes without notice, so consider cherishing the friendships you have and what they mean to you at that given time, without a binding condition that the relationship must last ad infinitum.  If you do find a friend for life in your travels, that’s great, but be prepared for friendships that may only last for a given season, circumstance, or country.  Be open to the dynamic nature of life and let people flow in and out as needed.

 This post was originally published at Women of Color Living Abroad.

Review: Bombay Palace in Casablanca

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Finding Indian food is always a guaranteed satisfying meal for us.  We have yet to eat a bad meal because the ingredients and flavors are always so agreeable.  Back in Oman, there were an abundance of Indian restaurants ranging from high-end, five-star dining to small-scale, budget-friendly eateries.  We could always eat our fill without busting the bank.  But here in Morocco, as was the case in Algeria, the Indian food selection is limited and a bit pricey for the proportion sizes we generally eat.  Nonetheless, a traveler passing through Casablanca wanted to meet for lunch and I figured that after backpacking around Morocco and camping in the desert, she might be tired of the typical couscous and tajine fare.  Indian food was a welcomed change for her and a treat for Lil’ Z and I.


Being my third visit to Bombay Palace, I already had an idea of what to expect from their menu and service.  A singular papadum fried cracker to share for the entire table, deliciously seasoned vegetable samosas, and the only legume-based entrée, a satisfying yellow split-pea dhal.  Even though the menu reads “dhal makhani”, it is not the black lentil and red kidney bean stew one would expect but a typical yellow dhal fry.

Dhal, Baingan Bhartha, and Basmati Rice

The lunch specials offer good value though portion sizes are petite.  It is especially surprising to see how small the dhal serving is because, as everyone knows, there’s no cheaper protein than legumes.  I often order an additional eggplant curry dish, baingan bhartha, just to sop up the mound of basmati rice and plain naan bread included in my meal.  My guest enjoyed her chicken tikka, shrimp masala, and cheese naan bread but needed to request pepper sauce as a condiment.  Their dishes are surprisingly mild and would be a total disappointment to the Indian palate.

Plain Naan

As for service, I wish I had more good to say.  The owner always seems perplexed by our family’s presence.  Perhaps he assumes like most other Moroccans and West African immigrants, we should speak French.  For us to be brown and Anglophone might be conflicting to him, as it has been to many Moroccans that we’ve met.  He takes our order in English but never offers the endearing warmth that other Western diners speak of in their raving reviews of the place.  When I ask for additional papadum wafers, he reluctantly gives us a second piece, as if I didn’t notice him serving a table of French businessmen one piece per person.  I don’t nitpick, but Lil’ Z loves those spicy little crackers and her little tummy can pack away at least two or three pieces easily.  While I’d prefer to go elsewhere, the only competing restaurant I know of is Indian Palace.  We ate there the night we moved to Casablanca and found their food to be tasty and their service excellent.  However, it is a bit more expensive and they serve alcohol, so we continue to frequent Bombay Palace but look forward more authentic cuisine and better service elsewhere.